


Something More

by rosegukk



Category: B.A.P
Genre: B.A.P - Freeform, F/M, Yongguk - Freeform
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2017-07-24
Updated: 2018-03-14
Packaged: 2018-12-06 05:51:18
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 4
Words: 8,536
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/11594247
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/rosegukk/pseuds/rosegukk
Summary: Yongguk has always seen you as his little sister. When you return from college abroad, will your relationship remain the same, or turn into something more?





	1. Prologue

“Hey! Wait for me!” you yell breathlessly as you run after the six boys in front of you. You were a scrawny little thing- all arms and legs, with unkempt hair and glasses that always sat halfway down the bridge of your nose.

The boys who ran ahead all live on the same apartment floor as you. Never being able to establish friendships with any of the other kids at school, you decided to follow them around and hope that they would end up accepting you into their group. What you hadn’t realized was just how difficult such a task would be. In the beginning, they all flat out ignored you, too caught up in their world of video games and soccer. Then one day as you sat by the boundary line of the soccer pitch, Jongup and Junhong waved you over. You played goalkeeper that day.

A few days later, the pair knocked on your door and said they were going to get ice cream. You quickly pulled on your shoes and hurried after them. Behind you, the eldest boy shook his head.

Over the next year, you were slowly let into the band of friends, but only because you had tried so hard to become good at the things they liked to do. You practiced dancing for hours so you could keep up with Jongup and Junhong, never stopping until your legs gave out. You became a force to reckon with at video games so you could challenge Youngjae, gloating on the inside every time you managed to defeat him. You learned the lyrics to all the popular songs so you could sing along with Daehyun. You even picked up some cooking skills from your mother so you could make snacks with Himchan. But there was always one who seemed so untouchable to you: Yongguk. He was more mature than the rest, opting to read the newspaper instead of the latest comic, and therefore you were never quite able to understand his interests. While he was still cordial to you, he was never as warm to you as he was with the others. That was fine, you figured. As long as you could still play with the others, you didn’t care how he felt about you. 

Today was unbearably hot, but that didn’t stop the group from wanting to play in the empty field across from your apartment building. The overgrown weeds scratch at your legs and you were pretty sure something was crawling in your hair. “Guys, please, wait up!” you shout again, pausing to rest your hands on your knees and catch your breath. This time they all stopped.

“Yah! Hurry up, ___!” Himchan grumbles as he fans his face with his hand. The way Yongguk looks at you and turns to keep walking doesn’t go unnoticed. You suck in one more big breath and begin to run again. You’re halfway to them when your foot suddenly drops into a hole, sending you flying forward. You land face first on the hard dirt and bump your chin against a rock. Within moments there are several pairs of hands on you, carefully rolling you over and sitting you up. You glance down at your knees, covered in dirt and scrapes, and to your already swollen ankle. Tears begin to form in the corners of your eyes, but before they have a chance to fall, a warm hand envelopes yours. You look up to find soft brown eyes staring back at you.

“Are you okay?” Yongguk asks his voice low and calm. You sniff back a sob and nod your head. “Alright, get on my back. I’ll carry you home.” You watch in quiet amazement as Yongguk squats down in front of you and the others help you up onto his back. “Hold on tight,” he says. You tentatively wind your arms around his neck as he stands up, feeling a little blush rise to your cheeks at being so close to him. That was the day everything changed. While you were stuck inside for the rest of the summer with your broken ankle, Yongguk stopped by every day to check on you and bring your favorite snacks. Some days he would stay to watch cartoons or a movie, other days he would sit quietly to the side while you played video games with the rest of the boys. You soon became like a little sister to him, but it seemed as if you would always remain that way in his eyes.


	2. Chapter 2

“Please, ___, just this once! I promise to pay you back!” You look up from placing your textbooks in your backpack to see Daehyun next to your desk, puppy dog eyes in full effect.

You shake your head, “No way, Dae. Last time I gave you my notes they were covered in coffee stains. I had to rewrite three chapters worth of notes overnight.” You zip your bag closed and push back in your chair to stand up. Daehyun drops to his knees and grabs the hem of your shirt.

“I’ll swear off of coffee until I’m finished with them! Please, your notes are always the best and the only way I’ll pass the exam. I won’t graduate if I fail!” He’s pulling hard enough on your shirt that it causes you to lean down. You huff and flick the middle of his forehead with your finger.

“You get thirty minutes to make a photocopy of my notes. Use the copiers in the library.” Daehyun lets go of you with a shout of victory and pops up to his feet, hands out, palms up, waiting for your notebook. You sling your backpack off and carefully pull out your notebook. You give one last look to the pristine pages, aware that a lot can happen in thirty minutes, and place your notes in Daehyun’s hands. He gives you a pat on the shoulder and sprints off to the library.

You make your way outside, squinting at the bright spring sunshine. In another few months, you would graduate and prepare for the new chapter of your life in college. You had sent off applications to every university possible, both near and far, and were still waiting for the remaining replies to come in. There was one, however, that you weren’t sure if you wanted to know the result. The university of your dreams was on the other side of the world and if you were to be accepted you knew that you could not say no. You stand for a while and try to imagine what life would be like for the next four years when you hear someone calling your name. You glance around to find the source when you notice an arm waving in the air. Your lips pull into a smile and you hurry over to the two boys standing next to the car.

“Hey!” Himchan smiles as you near, “Where is everyone else?”

“Youngjae is tutoring some of the freshmen, Jongup and Junhong have practice, and Daehyun is copying my notes,” you rattle off. Himchan gives a nod and checks his phone. You turn your attention to the boy resting on the hood of the car. The wind plays lightly with strands of his hair and you feel your chest tighten.

Yongguk gives you a gummy smile, “How was school?”

“Oh, the usual,” you brush off, “I’m ready to graduate already.” Yongguk laughs in understanding and the two of you settle into a comfortable conversation with the occasional input from Himchan as the three of you wait for the others.

—

Several hours later, the seven of you are finishing dinner in Yongguk and Himchan’s apartment. You had spent most of the meal stealing glances at Yongguk who sat across from you, desperately trying to decipher the feelings that swam through your mind. Your childhood crush on him had begun to develop into something more and you were terrified of what that could mean. You are so caught up in your thoughts that you don’t notice the hand waving in front of your face and the shout of your name next to your ear.

You wince and swipe at the hand, “Knock it off, Youngjae,” you mutter. Turning, you look at the boy who was trying to grab your attention. “What?”

“I was asking if you had picked a university yet. I know you’ve received loads of acceptance letters by now,” Youngjae says. You notice that everyone is staring at you, waiting for your reply.

“Oh, yeah, I’ve been accepted to all of them so far, but I haven’t given my answer to any.” There are audible exclamations of admiration throughout the room, but you notice one who remains silent. You ignore the pang in your chest and continue on with the conversation.

“You’ll have to choose soon, won’t you?” Junhong asks. You nod yes. “Whoa, how on earth are you going to be able to decide? Oh! You should pick one close by so we can visit!” You smile at his excitement, noting that it wouldn’t be such a bad idea to stay close. But, something deep in your heart whispers that you should go as far away as possible.

“No matter where she chooses to go, any university will be lucky to have her,” Yongguk comments from across the table. You hang your head in embarrassment at his compliment, a blush warming your cheeks. The other boys shout in agreement and launch into a loud conversation about where exactly you should go, even going so far as to bring out a sheet of paper to list the pros and cons of each university. You can’t help but laugh at their antics and intervene whenever Himchan suggests you choose the all-girl university just so you can set him up on dates.

“No way in hell, Channie.” Himchan pouts for a moment but your denial doesn’t deter him in the slightest. Soon, the sun sinks far below the horizon, reminding you that you need to head home. All of you begin to shuffle out the door, yelling your goodbyes over one another, as Yongguk and Himchan wave you all off.

As you make the short trip home, you let your mind wander back to earlier and all the different points the boys made for you to stick close. You honestly disliked the thought of moving too far away from them, but then again you felt deep down that distance is what you needed. Especially from Yongguk. You knew he didn’t see you as more than a little sister, but that couldn’t stop the sudden wave of butterflies in your stomach that came about every time he looked at you. For the last ten years it had been like this, and it was exhausting. Having to hide your feelings every time you were around him, having to watch every word you say, having to lie about crushing on other boys at school, had slowly chipped away at your heart. You clutched your chest as you felt the hole grow deeper with every thought of him. Yes, perhaps moving away would put an end to the turmoil inside you.

Pushing inside your home, you shuffle slowly to your room. You flick on the overhead light and begin to change into your pajamas when you notice a large envelope resting on your pillow. Your eyes widen as you read the return address: the university of your dreams. With shaking hands, you gently pick up the envelope and carefully rip open one end. You gently remove the contents and close your eyes to prepare yourself. Slowly, you exhale and open your eyes, scanning the first line. You immediately drop the papers, sending them fluttering to the floor.

“Congratulations, you have been accepted!”


	3. Chapter 3

The next weeks are spent worrying over how you are going to tell the boys you accepted the offer. There is no easy way of breaking the news that you will be moving to the other side of the globe for four years, with little to no return trips. Your stomach ties itself in knots every time you have to talk to one of them, causing you to double over when you are finally alone. You can’t continue like this for much longer, you have to tell them soon. What you didn’t realize was that you would spill the truth while riding shotgun in a cramped car five hours away from home.

Summer was fast approaching so you and the boys decided to take a long weekend trip to the beach for one last hurrah before you, Daehyun, and Youngjae parted ways. In order to not spoil the fun, you swore to yourself that you would tell everyone your plans upon returning to Seoul. However, after three hours of pestering, talk about the future, and the not-so-subtle clue from Himchan that Yongguk had met a girl last week, your emotions took control and the words came tumbling from your lips.

“I’m leaving.”

“Huh? Leaving? We’re in the middle of the highway, you can’t exactly go anywhere,” Himchan says with a laugh. You ignore him.

“I’m leaving Seoul. Actually, I’m leaving Korea entirely,” you whisper. The car is silent for the first time in hours as your statement slowly sinks in. Then all hell breaks loose.

“WHAT?! What do you mean you’re leaving Korea?”

“Where are you going?”

“Did you accept an offer?”

“Why didn’t you tell us sooner?” They are all shouting over one another, save for the man sitting silently next to you in the drivers’ seat. You want him to shout and protest too, but Yongguk keeps his eyes fixed on the road ahead, his face expressionless. An invisible hand constricts around your heart and you fight back the emotions roiling inside your chest. You carefully begin to explain your decision, citing the merits of the university, the opportunities you’ll be given, but wholly avoiding the reason for your announcement being made so swiftly. Any lingering questions are answered until there is nothing more to say. Soon, an uncomfortable silence falls over the car and remains there until the setting sun is visible between the buildings of Seoul.

Yongguk drops everyone off one by one, leaving only you and Himchan as the only other passengers. Finally, he rolls the car to a stop in front of your apartment building as the graying sky slowly darkens. You open the door without a word and make your way to the back to retrieve your bag. A hand reaches for the latch of the trunk just before you can grasp it and you look up in surprise. Yongguk opens the door and pulls your bag out without a word. You clumsily take it from his hands, but can’t bring yourself to look him in the eyes, opting instead to feign interest in an imaginary scuff on your sneaker.

“You’re really leaving?” Yongguk’s voice is low and steady, yet you still jump. You nod, still keeping your eyes fixed on your shoe. He sighs and gently places a hand on your shoulder, your heart reacting to the light touch, “That’s amazing, ___. You’ll make a lot of great memories over there.”

You look up, searching his eyes for any hint of his feelings, but you’re just met with the same warm look he always gives you. “Uh, yeah, I guess I will,” you mumble, wishing desperately he would say something to make you stay. To make you abnegate your dream offer and enroll in one of the national universities in Seoul instead. But, your wish disappeared along with the last vestiges of light from the setting sun, leaving the city, and your heart, in an inky darkness.

“I’m going to miss having you around.” He reaches up to playfully ruffle the hair on the top of your head, “The others really don’t listen to me anymore,” he jokes lightly. You smile half-heartedly as you try to flatten the wild strands back in place.

“Hey! Hurry up, Bang, I’m tired!” Himchan pokes his head out of the rolled down window, tapping the outside of the door in annoyance. Yongguk acknowledges him with a wave and turns back to you. He looks at you for a moment in silence, and you shift from one foot to another under his gaze.

“I really am going to miss you,” he says quietly. Your head shoots up in disbelief of what unsaid words you heard behind his lament, but he has already reached the driver’s side and is pulling open the door. He pauses to give you one last look. “Go inside, ___. Goodnight.”

“Goodnight!” Himchan yells, sticking his arm out of the window to wave goodbye.

You’re stuck there, speechless, as they drive off. The nightly bugs begin to fly in dizzying circles above you towards the street light yet you continue to stand, your bag clutched to your chest, and your mind racing to decipher the hidden meaning in his words.


	4. Final

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Yongguk has always seen you as his little sister. When you return from college abroad, will your relationship remain the same, or turn into something more?

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Thank you so much for reading and waiting patiently for me to update the final chapter~ I hope you enjoy ^_^

You stand in the center of your nearly empty bedroom. A few boxes lie scattered around filled with things you would not be taking. Most of your belongings had already been shipped to your dorm weeks ago, leaving you with only a suitcase and a small duffle bag to bring with you. The realization that you would not step foot here for four years had finally burrowed its way into your head and brought with it a swelling sadness in your chest. You shake your head, reminding yourself that this is a new start and that dwelling on the sentimentality will only hold you back. Turning to the mirror leaning against the wall, you look over yourself. Your t-shirt is slightly wrinkled, your jeans faded from too many washes, your shoes worn from countless adventures outside, but you did not care – you would be sitting on a plane for over half the day, you were choosing comfort over fashion. Your eyes trail up to your hair, untamable strands sticking out, and to the glasses that sit slightly eschewed on the bridge of your nose. You laugh silently to yourself; of course Yongguk could never see you as anything more than his little sister when you dressed like this. You are trying to smooth out the wrinkles of your shirt when there is a knock on your door and your mother enters.

“Are you ready to go, sweetie?”

You stop tugging on your shirt and turn to her, “Yeah, as ready as I’ll ever be. Let’s go.” She nods and grabs the handle of your suitcase and you follow her with your bag slung over your shoulder. You do not bother looking back.

The ride to the airport is quiet as you watch the landscape speed past. You had told the boys not to come, fearing that having them there would make your goodbye that much more difficult. However, you expected nothing less as you are met with their yells as you enter the airport. They surround you, shouting various farewells and tugging you into back-breaking hugs. You notice that Yongguk hangs back, waiting for the wild madness to die down, knowing better than to fight his way through the mass of bodies. When you are finally allowed space to breathe, Yongguk approaches you, pulling you silently into his chest. You freeze in his embrace, not entirely sure what to do. You feel his arms wrap around you and press you even closer to him. With shaking hands, you cling to the sides of his shirt and take a deep breath. The scent of pine and leather swirl around you, calming the nerves you thought you had suppressed. The hug seems to last for hours, but it is over as quickly as it happened.

Someone slaps your back and Youngjae is telling you something, but none of it makes sense to you. Your brain has frozen trying to comprehend what just happened. Daehyun grabs your shoulders and begins to shake you, “Hello, anyone there? Your flight leaves in 30 minutes! You still need to check in and go through security!” His voice breaks through your fog and you fumble to grab your bags, giving them all one final wave and rushing off to the check in counter. They keep as close as they can as you make your way through security. When you pass through, you can hear them all shout one last goodbye, earning themselves many glares, but they continue to wave until you can no longer see them. You suddenly feel empty and alone, as if six pieces of you had just been ripped away. Yet again you are left to sift through your emotions and find the hidden meaning behind Yongguk’s sudden show of affection.

—

The hushed tones of half-asleep passengers threaten to lull you back under the waves of unconsciousness as you stand at the baggage claim. It is late afternoon but your body is sure you are still at your university, which lies slumbering somewhere around 3 A.M. Your eyelids droop heavily, but thankfully your suitcase comes into sight and you tug it off the carousel and set off towards the doors.

The frosted glass doors slide open and you sluggishly stumble through, but you are suddenly jerked to full attention at the loud chorus of shouts that greet you. Waiting off to the side stands a group of six men holding signs, balloons, and even a stuffed bear. You are barely able to comprehend what is going on before the mob descends upon you and you are squished between chests. You squirm against the chaos, fighting for air. You sink to your knees and crawl between the legs of the tallest, gasping as your lungs meet open air. A familiar hand appears before your face and you hold onto it, letting the man pull you to your feet. The wild pack still cheers behind you, unaware of your escape.

“Welcome home,” Yongguk says with a bright smile.

You feel as if all the oxygen has been sucked out of your lungs again. Yongguk still has such an effect on you, despite four years, thousands of miles apart, and a vow to relinquish all feelings for him. He has not changed much - his hair is a bit longer, now pulled back into a small ponytail, and light stubble peppers his chin, but his skin is still a radiant gold and his smile still stirs the butterflies in your stomach. You try feebly to wrangle the butterflies back into their cage.

“It’s good to be back,” you reply with a smile of your own. Yongguk nods and moves towards you, his arms beginning to rise slowly.

“___! Welcome back!” your eyes grow wide when your feet are lifted off the ground and you find yourself facing back the way you came. “Let’s go home!” Junhong cheers as he adjusts you on his shoulder and strides towards the exit.

“Be careful with her! We just got her back,” Himchan scolds from a few steps behind. He looks up at you and flashes a grin, “It’s lovely to have you home again.”

“You guys must have really missed me,” you huff as Junhong’s shoulder digs into your diaphragm, “And Junhong, how did you grow so much?” You glance up to find the others: Daehyun and Youngjae are not far behind, and Jongup trails behind them, somehow getting stuck with all the gifts tucked in his arms. Yongguk follows shortly behind, taking in the rowdy bunch before him.

You really are home.

—

Music blares in your ears as another shot of soju burns the back of your throat. Himchan planned a graduation party for you, Daehyun, and Youngjae, the latter two having returned home a few days prior. You take in the paper streamers hanging from every available surface, the rainbow assortment of balloons that float across the floor with every movement of drunken dancing, and the copious amounts of food and liquor strewn about the dining table and kitchen counters. Yongguk and Himchan’s new, larger apartment simply meant Himchan could throw grander parties.

“Himchan really outdid himself this time,” you hiccup under your breath.

“___, come dance!” Junhong tugs on your wrist and you do not have the strength to deny him. He pulls you over to where Jongup is moving in a manner that seems to be dancing, but the alcohol has drastically impared his moves. You slowly begin to dance as best you can through the fog in your brain. Junhong laughs at your attempt and you playfully swat his chest.

“Hey, you don’t look any better, noodle legs,” you tease. Junhong collapses to the ground in a fit of giggles and you take it as your chance to escape.

You make your way to the kitchen for some water, kicking the balloons in front of you to clear a path. As you pass by the the television, you bump into Youngjae who is battling as swaying Daehyun in karaoke. Youngjae does not notice, too focused on telling Daehyun that he missed a word and therefore lost. Daehyun pays him no mind, instead he increases his volume and continues singing. You plug your ears with your fingers and scurry away from the siren boy.

You at last find refuge in the kitchen and it appears as if Yongguk has done the same.

“Escaping the madness?” Yongguk asks while he checks the ramen that boils on the stove.

“What gave it away?” you open the refrigerator and pull out a bottle of water.

Yongguk moves the pot from the burner and sets it on a heat pad, “You ran in here with your hands over your ears.”

“Daehyun’s singing has really improved. Although I didn’t know his volume could go even higher,” you unscrew the lid of the bottle and press it to your lips, downing half of its contents in one long gulp.

“He was in a lot of musicals while at university. Those really helped him improve. Himchan and I were able to make it to most of them,” Yongguk pulls a pair of chopsticks from a utensil holder and holds them out to you, “Want some?”

“Oh, sure, thanks,” you reach out to take the chopsticks from him, stepping closer to the pot of ramen. “I feel bad that I wasn’t able to come see him perform,” you say meekly as you poke at the noodles.

Yongguk chuckles at your pout, “It’s alright, he bought a copy of every single performance so he could show you when you came back.”

You look up at Yongguk in shock, “No way.”

Yongguk nods his head, “Yep. He already has a schedule set in place for you to watch them. It’ll probably take you a few months to get through them since he likes to replay his parts.”

You groan at the thought of being stuck with Daehyun for hours while he commentates. You angrily shove some noodles into your mouth while Yongguk laughs beside you, a plan forming in your head on how to avoid Daehyun for the next six months.

You and Yongguk finish the ramen in silence. “I’ll clean up, you can go back to the party,” he says.

Full of warmth and laden with liquor, you shuffle back to the couch and plop down with a sigh. The late hour and soju had begun to take a toll on everyone. Junhong snores quietly on the floor and Jongup rests slouched in a chair. Daehyun and Youngjae now sit on the floor playing Mario Kart, but their characters keep colliding into walls as their eyelids droop. You figure Himchan had retired to his room long ago.

The calmer atmosphere rocks you gently to sleep. You look upon your friends once more, a sudden happiness filling your heart at being back with them. You can no longer fight against the drowsiness that pulls you under and you give in, settling your head on one of the couch cushions. You are not sure how long you are asleep, but you feel a blanket being pulled over you. Your eyes crack open and you see the back of a retreating figure before the world goes black.

—

The next couple of weeks are hectic with job hunting and interviews that you barely have time to see the boys. Yongguk and Himchan work endlessly as a deadline for new song approaches, Daehyun shuttles between teaching vocal lessons and musical rehearsals, Youngjae has to travel for photoshoots, and Jongup and Junhong are squeezing in as many internship hours as possible before their final year of university. Scheduling a time that works for all of you to meet up and relax is near impossible.

You frown at Youngjae’s text.

1:12 pm: Sorry, ___. I’ll be out of town all weekend to scout locations for a new shoot I’m planning. Good luck at your interview!

A sigh escapes your chest and you toss your phone onto your bed; being an adult is no fun when you cannot even hang out with your friends whom you spent the last four years away from. You turn to face yourself in the mirror, adjusting your blouse and straightening the hem of your skirt. You reach for a pair of sleek black pumps and slip them on. Four years ago you would have never worn anything like this, especially heels. You cringe at the way you used to dress- completely mismatched clothes that were faded and ill-fitted to your shape, and always with a pair of dusty sneakers. You silently thank your freshman year roommate who dragged you out to the mall before classes started and helped you pick out new styles that were actually from the current decade.

You reminisce fondly on all the ways you had changed in those four years. You now wore contacts, you had finally learned how to manage and style your hair, and you learned the magical effects of makeup. Although you still prefered to wear comfortable clothes and forgo makeup on most days, you genuinely enjoyed dressing up now.

However, one thing did not change. Your feelings for Yongguk, which you had sworn to lock up and throw away, still lingered in the depths of your heart. When you first moved away you promised yourself to only focus on university, meeting new people, and developing your future career. It had worked; you met tons of new friends, even dated a few times, and pushed Yongguk further and further from your heart.

Coming back home and actually seeing him again picked the lock and allowed your feelings to trickle back into the divot in your heart. You were at a loss and utterly confused about how you truly feel about him.

You shake your head, “No, I’m over him. He’s my friend and he only sees me as a sister. That’s how it should be.”

An alarm on your phones shrills in the silence of your room. You hurry over to your phone and shut it off, glancing at the time in a panic.

“Oh crap, oh crap, oh crap! I’m going to be late to my interview!” You shove your phone into your purse, grab your blazer, and sprint out the door.

After your interview you sit on the bus and watch the cars pass by, emptying your mind of a failed interview. Your phone buzzes in your hand and you glance at the screen. It is a text from Himchan in the group chat. You unlock your phone and open up the message.

3:36 pm: “We’re all seeing a movie next weekend! I’ve checked everyone’s schedules so there’s no way out of coming. Meet at my place at 6.”

You smile at the influx of messages asking how Himchan got ahold of everyone’s schedules. You quickly type your reply and click off the screen. Finally, you can see your friends again.

The next weekend comes quickly and you practically vibrate in excitement at seeing your boys. You hurriedly tug on a pair of white shorts and pull on a powder blue crop top.

“Shoes, where did I put those shoes?” you rummage through unpacked boxes until you find a pair of sandals. You slide them on as you check the time on your phone and slip it into your back pocket. Thankfully, Yongguk and Himchan’s apartment is close.

You transfer your wallet into a small cross-body purse and grab your keys from the coffee table. With a fluid whirl you are out of your apartment and on the street. The summer air is thick and humid, but you do not mind. The last few weeks had been a nonstop whirlwind that you had not even had the time to enjoy the summer nights. You swing your arms as you walk and hum gleefully to yourself, allowing yourself to fully soak in the joy of being home.

Ten minutes later you arrive outside of the apartment building. You notice someone standing outside the entrance and you squint to better make out the figure.

“Oh, it’s Yongguk,” you realize. You raise your arm to call out to him, but you notice someone else standing with him. A woman. She lifts up on the balls of her feet and kisses Yongguk.

A sharp pain in your chest knocks the air from your lungs and your arm falls to your side. Who is she? Why is she kissing Yongguk? Tears well in the corner of your eyes as your heart rips open. You turn and begin to run blindly back to your apartment.

You cannot think, you cannot breath, you cannot deny that your true feelings for Yongguk had never gone away. You are in love with him, but he was in love with someone else.

Your phone lights up with missed calls and texts all night, but you ignore them and turn it off. You curl up under the covers of your bed as your feelings for Yongguk flood into your chest, drowning you beneath their surface. Broken sobs steal your breath and knives tear your heart. How could I be so dumb to let myself fall for him you think. I was an idiot for believing that one day he would love me too.

—

Somehow you successfully manage to avoid meeting with Yongguk and the others for a couple of weeks. After the night of seeing Yongguk kiss that woman, you messaged the group chat with an apology, saying you had suddenly fallen ill with food poisoning. They all bought your lie and did not bring up the subject anymore, although you did have to deal will several pouty calls from Himchan.

You threw yourself into more interviews, setting up at least two every day. You refused to allow yourself to think about Yongguk for even a second. If you did, you knew you would crumble to pieces in an instant.

You lie on your couch mindlessly watching a drama after another round of interviews. The pace and intensity of being interviewed every day was taking a toll on you, but you could not let up. A melody of a phone call drifts from your phone and one glance at the caller has you sighing.

“Listen, Himchan. If you’re calling to pout again I’m going to hang up!” There is silence on the other end.

“Of course I’m not! Can’t a friend call to check up on you?” Himchan is good at covering for himself, you admit. “You’ve been swamped with job interviews every day so I have to make sure you’re still alive.”

You pinch the bridge of your nose to fight the oncoming headache, “Yeah, I’m alive. Barely.”

Himchan grumbles over the line, “Are you eating? Do you want me to come over with food?”

“It’s okay, Channie, really. I-” an alert from another incoming call halts you. Holding your phone away from your ear you glance at the number. You bring your phone back to you, “Hang on, I’m getting another call.” You switch over to the other line, “Hello?”

“Hello, is this ___?” a woman asks.

“Yes, what is this about?”

“I’m calling from the 1004 Company. You had an interview with us a few days ago. We’ve reviewed your application and would like to offer you a position. Please come in on Monday to discuss further.”

You are silent as her words sink in.

“Hello? Are you still there?”

You jerk upright and gather your wits, “Yes, I’ll come in on Monday.”

“Wonderful. We look forward to seeing you,” the woman disconnects the call and you frantically return to back to Himchan.

“Who was that?” he asks.

“I…I just got a job. Himchan, I got a job!” you yell into the air.

Himchan shouts on the other end, “Congrats, ___! This calls for a celebration! Come over in an hour, and there’s no way you’re saying no!”

You laugh at his seriousness, “Alright, alright. I’ll be there.” You hang up and run to the bathroom to take a quick shower, all thoughts of the other man who lives with Himchan wiped from your mind. 

Himchan is waiting outside for you when you arrive. He pulls you into a tight hug and leads you inside the building. When the elevator opens to his floor you can already hear the music from inside his apartment.

“Aren’t the neighbors annoyed with all of our parties?”

Himchan waves off your concern, “Don’t worry, they’re young like us and I buy them off with food and soju.”

The door to the apartment opens and Daehyun’s head pokes out, “They’re here!” he yells. Daehyun is knocked to the side as Youngjae and Jongup rush out to greet you.

“Wait, wait,” Himchan chides, “Let’s get inside before you tackle her.” He shoves them out of the way and guides you through the door. You have only a moment of peace before they descend upon you with bone-crushing hugs.

After feeling as if you had been squeezed like a tube of toothpaste, you sit on the couch and grab a slice of pizza.

“Where’s Junhong?” you ask in-between mouthfuls.

“He and Yongguk went out to buy more soju,” Jongup answers as he sits down beside you.

You do not even have time to prepare yourself for seeing Yongguk before he and Junhong suddenly appear at the door, both laden down with two bags each full of green bottles. Yongguk glances your way, but you turn away unable to meet his gaze, and hug Junhong. Now, being in the same space as Yongguk will make it impossible to avoid him, but you refuse to give in.

Bottle after bottle is emptied and you drink more than you normally would. It is the only way to numb your pounding heart in the presence of Yongguk. Hours breeze by and your only contact with Yongguk is when he offers to pour you a shot in congratulations.

The five other men now lie strewn about and passed out in various places around the apartment. You stumble to the bathroom, passing Himchan’s room on the way. Daehyun and Jongup were arguing earlier over who could sleep on Himchan’s bed and Himchan had run into his room to stop any damage to his instruments. You peek inside as you pass and find all three of them squished together on Himchan’s bed, completely knocked out. You can barely suppress your giggle as you push into the bathroom.

A quick glance in the mirror nearly scares you half to death. Strands of hair stick wildly out of place and your eyes are droopy and red. You turn on the faucet and splash cold water on your face, your heated skin cooling slightly.

“I should really go home,” you say to your reflection.

You wander slowly back to the living room and reach for the door. A hand appears and removes yours from the knob. You look up to see who would dare to stop your journey home and gulp when you come face to face with Yongguk.

“Where are you going?” he asks quietly.

“Home,” you state firmly, trying to remove his hold on you.

“Let me walk you home. You’re really drunk right now,” he says softly.

You contemplate his offer for a moment and your body sways drastically to one side. Maybe that would be a good idea.

“Okay, but no funny business,” your words slur and you pitch forward into Yongguk’s chest. “You smell amazing,” you mumble against him.

“Thanks,” Yongguk carefully pushes you off of him and turns his back to you. You stare at him, trying to figure out what he is doing. Yongguk crouches slightly before you and motions to his back, “Hop on, I’ll carry you home.”

You smile at the chance of getting to be close to him again and flop not-so-lightly onto his back. Yongguk pulls your arms around his neck and hooks your legs in his arms. You nuzzle your face closer to him, inhaling his familiar scent.

Yongguk grabs your purse and slings it over his head before carefully opening the door and heading towards the elevator. He nudges the call button with his elbow and waits patiently for the elevator to arrive. You rest your head against him, soaking in the warmth and calmness that surround him.

How long has it been since Yongguk has given me a piggyback, you wonder. Yongguk steps into the elevator and your face scrunches up as you try to remember. The memory of your broken ankle flashes across your mind and you smile.

Yongguk carries you outside, a warm breeze stirring your hair around you. He turns in the direction of your apartment and begins to walk in silence. You do not mind the quiet since your hearts leaps at being close to Yongguk again.

Oh. The reason of why you were avoiding Yongguk comes rushing back to you and you balk at the cascade of heartbreak that comes with it. You squirm against Yongguk and he swerves to the side as you throw him off balance.

“What are you doing, ___? Stay still.”

“No!,” you shout, “No, let me down. I don’t want to be near you. I can’t be near you. I hate you. I hate you, Bang Yongguk,” you continue to try to wriggle free from Yongguk but your muscles are heavy with alcohol and the humid night saps your energy. You huff in defeat against Yongguk’s shoulder.

Yongguk does not say anything about your outburst. “Are you comfortable?” he asks instead.

“I’m not talking to you,” you say against the cotton of his shirt.

“Okay.”

But his silence and willingness to go along with your wishes angers you.

“How could you do that?” you whisper. “How can you keep quiet after doing that? How could you kiss her?”

Yongguk remains silent and your words tumble from your lips before you even know what you are saying. Years of emotions spill out into the summer night.

“I love you, Yongguk. I’ve loved you since that day you carried me home after I broke my ankle. I fell in love with you over that summer. I continued to love you in silence every day as we grew up. I loved you when you hugged me goodbye at the airport. I loved you from the other side of the world for four years,” tears flow freely down your cheeks and soak Yongguk’s shirt, “And I still love you. Right now, even though you kissed that woman.

“I was avoiding you because I saw you kiss her that night. I was trying to deny my feelings for you, but I was lying to myself. It was painful to shove my feelings aside, and it was painful to admit their truth. It hurts. It hurts to love you, Yongguk.” You feel exhausted. Confessing how you feet to Yongguk lifts a heavy weight from your chest, but it also leaves you completely drained. Without warning, your eyes close and you fall asleep.

Yongguk turns his head slightly when he hears your slow breathing, “Asleep already, huh,” he says to himself. Soon, he reaches your apartment. With a few tries he is able to fish your keys from your purse and open the door. He nudges the door aside with his foot and carefully enters, making sure he does not bump you against anything.

Once inside, he pads slowly to your bedroom. He shifts you carefully on his back as he uses one hand to pull back the covers of your bed, then he turns and lowers you down gently. He moves to the foot of the bed to remove your shoes, placing them neatly in the closet.

Yongguk returns to your side and unfolds the blankets back over you, tucking you in and making sure you are in a comfortable position. Satisfied, he walks to the bathroom and opens up your medicine cabinet. He pilfers around until he finds a bottle of aspirin, shaking out two tablets and replacing the bottle. He treks back to the kitchen to grab a water bottle and sets it, along with the aspirin, on your bedside table.

“You’re going to have one hell of a hangover in the morning,” Yongguk says with a shake of his head. He checks you one more time before leaving, “Goodnight, ___. Sweet dreams.”

—

Sunlight stretches in long beams across your bedroom floor before you wake up. Your head throbs painfully and you grab the first signs of relief you see in the forms of aspirin and water. The bottle crunches as you finish it with a satisfied sigh.

“What the hell happened last night and how did I get home,” you squeeze your temples as your brain slowly returns to normal functions. All you can remember is laughter and green bottles. And the scent of pine and leather.

“Oh, no,” you groan in horror. You shut your eyes as you furiously try to remember exactly what had occured with Yongguk and what you had said. Agonizingly slow, bits and pieces of your conversation, or rather confession, with Yongguk come back together. As every word returns you sink lower and lower under your covers.

Your life is ruined. You will have to change your name and move to the rurals of Iceland to escape your embarrassment. You can never face Yongguk again.

While you plot out your new life, your phone chimes with a new message. You fumble around for it on the nightstand before you realize it is in your back pocket.

You wake up the screen, squinting at the brightness under the cave of your blankets. Your mouth drops open and your heart races against your ribs when you see Yongguk’s name.

2:05 pm: Meet me at the park this evening, I want to talk.   
2:06 pm: I’ll send directions.

Your mind screams at the thought of talking to Yongguk. What does he want to talk about? He’s probably going to tell me he hates me or that I should move to another country again.

Your phones chimes again with another message- the directions to the park and a time. Every instinct in you is telling you to stay home, but you need to hear what Yongguk has to say and apologize for your outburst the night before.

Begrudgingly you roll out of bed and walk to the bathroom to shower and get ready. You also need some sort of sustenance in you before Yongguk kicks you out of Seoul.

You arrive at the park a nervous wreck. The palms of your hands are slick with sweat and your heart threatens to break through your ribs. You cautiously make your way through the large park to the fountain Yongguk had pinned on the map.

You worry how he is going to react when he sees you and you have to force yourself to keep moving forward and not run away. You cross your fingers that he will understand that your words were drunken nonsense and he will agree to forget any of it ever happened. The logical part of you brain, however, touts that is not likely to happen.

You reach the fountain at the center of the park. It is simple, but the water spouts in glistening golden arches from the setting sun that glows behind it. You scan around the base of the pool and spot Yongguk on the other side. Taking a deep breath, you muster up your courage and head over to him.

Yongguk sees you and waves, a small smile pulling at the corner of his lips. You wave back and approach him, coming to a stop before him.

“Yongguk, I-”

“Do you remember this place?” Yongguk asks, cutting you off.

You blink at him in surprise, “Uh, no. It’s a new park, isn’t it? I hate to remind you, but I haven’t exactly been around lately.”

“Do you know where this park is?”

You look at him in confusion, “Again, no. Please, enlighten me.” This is not how you imagined how the conversation would go, but anything is better than what played out in your mind.

Yongguk smiles fondly as he takes in the surroundings. He lifts up his arm and gently taps the scar on your chin, “This is where you got that scar. The place where you fell in love with me,” he pauses for a moment before continuing, “The place where I fell in love with you.”

Words escape you as your mind goes completely blank. Your body processes Yongguk’s confession before your brain catches up. Your pulse thrums in your ears and the butterflies are set free in your stomach. He loves you.

“I’m so sorry that you saw that kiss. She is a coworker who had shown up to confess to me. I rejected her. I have never in my life wanted to cause you any pain, but my lack of courage to share my feelings with you ended up hurting us both. I’m so sorry, ___. You have every right to hate me. I pulled you along for my own selfish benefit because I was afraid that if I did confess to you, that I would lose your friendship if you didn’t feel the same,” Yongguk drops his gaze to the flecks of water that splash onto the gray stones at the edge of the fountain. His posture gives away how much he is berating himself for hurting you.

Yongguk’s words sink into your skin. He did not love another woman. He loves you and has loved you since that summer day in an empty lot with overgrown weeds.

You reach out and brush your fingers against his, “It’s alright, Yongguk. I understand. Let’s make this a new beginning- one where we are open and honest about are feelings.”

Yongguk catches your fingers with his and entwines them together, “Then, to be honest, I love you.”

You grin at his words and the gummy smile that begins to appear, “I love you, too.”

Yongguk steps closer to you, his hand still locked with yours. You gaze into the same warm, brown eyes that had captured your heart all those years ago as Yongguk leans in to seal your love with a kiss.


End file.
